Happy Happy Happy

Happiness in the Past

I’ve been thinking about this recently. What made me happy in the past? I’ve learned that the happiness I had in the past was all derived from goals I acheived. I don’t think that this is a sustainable way to maintain my own happiness. As soon as I gain something (Bike racing achievements, UCLA, Lyft) I’m happy for awhile. After some period of time after the achievement, I forget my own achievement and become unhappy.

I need to look for some source of happiness that is sustainable without an achievement. Eventually, I won’t be able to gain those kinds of things from my life.

What I want in the Future

I’m not sure where to get this kind of happiness from. It needs to be something that I can keep no matter the circumstance. I need some fire that will burn in any storm. I’ve become so attached to the kind of happiness associated with achievements, that I’ll lose it even if I have them all, but don’t get anything new in a long time.

I thought that it would come from having friends around. In high school, I felt like I had friends. But there were still times when, even then, I felt like I wasn’t happy. Now, I also feel like I’m connected to people, and I feel supported by my friend group, but these feelings still creep in.

Eventually, I’ll figure more of this life stuff out :)